Bullying. No parent ever wants to have to think about their child being bullied, but unfortunately more than half of all children will be bullied at some point in their lives either as a victim, witness or perpetrator.
I thought I wouldn’t have to face this subject until at least my children’s high school years, but sadly to my horror, this was not the case. My beautiful little princess came home from school this week very upset and started to relay the events that had been happening the past few weeks at school. She started to say how two boys (little shits) who she sat beside in school had announced to her that day in class that there was no such thing as Santa or the Easter bunny, and that it is your parents who put it all out. My little angel has so much innocence and Christmas is such a magical time for her and our family, she gets so excited when it is spring and she knows the Easter bunny will be coming and rejoices when a tooth falls out that she knows she will get a visit by the tooth fairy, she even has a very special magic Elf that visits us at Christmas and special occasions throughout the year. You can imagine how her little world came crashing down round her that day.
We eventually got her calmed down and explained that of course Santa was very real and those silly boys where so bad that Santa doesn’t bring them presents, which is why their parents have to buy them. After lots of cuddles and kisses (and a visit from a very special elf!) she went to bed a little happier. My heart was broken for her, how can other children have their innocence robbed from them. They are 7 years old. It is very sad. I like to keep the magic alive for as long as I can. Thinking that the crisis was diverted it wasn’t until the next morning that the rest of what had been happening started unravelling.
At breakfast the next morning, Ella was still not her chirpy happy self, even with her special elf in hand. When I asked her to tell me what was on her mind and that it was ok to talk to her mummy, that I would never be cross she started to say how those two boys along with two more had been picking on her for a few weeks. She had mentioned them briefly in the past saying how they where always messing in class and talking, and when I mentioned this at the parent teacher meeting, her teacher advised that she had moved them beside Ella as she thought she would be a good influence on them. But instead, sadly, Ella was being distracted in class by them, getting poked at and her wrist grabbed and they where always up in her face. Then it got so much worse, through lots of tears and trembling, she looked at me and said she didn’t want to die. I was horrified, what parent wants their little innocent child to be so upset and trembling to turn and say this. I literally felt the ground was swallowing me up. I asked her what she meant and she said that these boys had been going up to her in the playground and saying they where going to kill her, they would get her and do it outside. They said they wanted to get revenge on her. Ella is very sensible and know when people are being silly and would normally shrug things off her shoulder but I knew that she was so terrified and scared to go back to school that these boys where taking everything a step too far.
Some of you will be thinking boys will be boys and I am overreacting but sadly, in society today, children are not so innocent anymore. They are surrounded by action movies and games that are so realistic they do not know the difference between role play and real life and not understand the consequences of their actions. May I remind you that one of poor Jamie Bulger’s murderers where only 9 years old when they committed such a horrific crime that shocked the nation, so no, I am not overreacting, I am protecting my children from the brutality that has become of our society. What is to stop some child grabbing a knife or sharp object and bringing it into school. Ella had said they would all hold her down, boys of 7 and 8 years old can be strong and what is to stop them from holding her and stabbing her or worse, thinking that she would bounce back to life just like their computer games.
All weekend I toyed with the idea back and forth in my mind about whether I should let her go to school again on Monday. I decided in the end that if I kept her off it would only show her that there was something to be scared off, so instead we finished her Easter Egg competition for school and set off that morning with me promising that I would fix everything and that she had nothing to worry about. I said I would meet with the principal and make sure that this was dealt with. I was livid, in fact I felt sick with worry that my child could be put through such an ordeal at school. You think that is the one place she would be safe. You just have to read the news to sadly discover that on a daily basis in other parts of the world, killings, shootings, massacres and all sorts happen within a school, you just don’t expect it to happen at a primary school.
After meeting with the Principal and her Teacher they interviewed Ella, her friends and the boys concerned. It actually came to light that some of the other girls had been getting tormented and bullied also, but where too afraid to mention anything. I am so proud of my Ella for being brave enough to tell us, on coming forward she has helped put a stop to not herself being tormented but to those others who where sadly scared to have a voice of their own. She has set an example that it is always ok to tell, if you tell someone, it will be dealt with and it will be over. Having been bullied for most of my high school years I wish I had of had her strength back then to stand up for myself.
The parents have all been spoken to and one parent has even admitted they have noticed the increasing violent and boisterous behaviour at home. They all have said their children would not carry out anything it is just words, sometimes though words can be worse than actions. The Headmaster of her school has said this type of thing has happened in schools in England where a child has caused harm with a sharp object but thankfully has never occurred in Northern Ireland and said we are way behind with things like this happening and it is hopefully 10-15 years away, however, there is always a first. I never trust anyone. Least of all now.
If there is one thing I have learnt from this ordeal is to listen to your child more. Notice if there is a change in their behaviour. Encourage your child to be strong and try to appear confident and to give the impression they are not bothered by the bullies anymore. That is how I overcame them at my school. I decided one summer enough is enough. I went back for my final year of school, more confident and not prepared to take any shit anymore from anyone. This has followed me into my adulthood and I will never take any crap from anyone. Least of all anyone trying to harm my children by words or otherwise, I would do time for them, they are my world.
Talk to your children, even if you think they are too young as believe me, I never would have thought a week ago I would be having this conversation with my 7 year old. Make sure they know they will never be in trouble for telling you if anything is wrong and be on your guard, never take anything for granted even when you drop them off at the school gate.
